The Commencement Speech No One Asked Me To Give (Yet)

I wrote a commencement speech that no one asked for. Here’s why: By virtue simply of having 654 children, I spend a lot of my life with today’s youth, and I couldn’t be more excited about the ways these people are going to change the world. It’s what I keep coming back to again and […]

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An Open Letter to Comfort
An Open Letter to Comfort | lizpetrone.com

Dear comfort: I’m so sorry for all the times I denied you. I apologize for the pointy toe shoes, the ill fitting bras, and all the various forms of waistbands I have chosen over you over the years. I especially regret the time I made my mom drive over those two empty coke cans so […]

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Forgiveness Starts at Home and Other Bullshit

The Mercedes came out of nowhere. One second I was driving along, singing badly mangled lyrics to whatever 90s hip hop I could dredge up from the bowels of the radio presets, and the next I was inches from taillights. I slammed on my brakes and my arm shot out sideways in that instinctual mom-baton […]

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The Thrill of Being Married With Children

It’s 3:00AM, our bedroom, any night, and I hear a noise. “Nick, did you hear that?” I ask my sleeping husband, hoping that the noise was just a remnant of the dream I was having about Brendan Fraser and fried chicken because I would really like to go back to it. Nick doesn’t answer. The […]

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Someone Please Take Care of Me
lizpetrone.com | Take Care of Me

My youngest (and my likely-last) child–currently somewhere in that bizarre phase between just born yesterday and growing up so fast I can’t even deal–still hasn’t mastered all of the complex nuances of the English language. He’s getting there though, and quickly. After a few ill timed slip-ups by yours truly, he knows every word he shouldn’t and the right context to […]

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